Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
