I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
