are you still at the devil's house?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
