I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I got inside last night via doggy door
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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