we have officially lost it.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
