last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
