oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
