I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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