the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
