I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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