haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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