the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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