I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
