mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
