it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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