I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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