just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
