I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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