I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
