I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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