she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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