apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Im part way to drunk.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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