...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
