he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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