Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
