i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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