My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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