The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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