Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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