I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
