I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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