dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
