Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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