I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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