If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
