My Higher Power is John Stamos
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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