I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
