How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
