I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
