I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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