I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Randomize
