I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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