So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
