I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
