i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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