I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
