I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
