I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i was born a porn star she said
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
