so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
