dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
